Let your Light Shine Through
Waves of emotion surged through my body from
my feet up through my legs, into my core, exploding up through my heart, vibrating
through every cell of my body and regenerating back into ether. I’ve been here before; this place, this
sensation, this dance. Every time same-same but different as the universal
saying goes in Thailand. “Same-same but
different”: a general slogan apropos in many situations, meaning almost
identical but slightly different. No
moment can ever exactly the same. I have
danced before. I have danced before in
this body, at this outdoor rock-sand-jungle-flowy-electronic-hippie-contact
high-vibe space. Our bodies and minds
evolve every day if we let them. Cells regenerate;
neurons connect (hopefully), we learn, grown, change. This particular day as a slightly evolved
version of my self, I am standing on a covered wooden deck that overlooks a bay
speckled with enormous quartz crystal rocks.
Vast ocean envelops the rocks, carrying with it electric life force
energy from around the world. The energy
skims across the ocean’s surface, over the rocks, into the land, up through my
body. I am fully connected to the nature
around Universal energy and me. Flowing
and grooving to the beat of deep electronic funk, energy pulses through my body
and cracks open my heart space which I had chosen to close yesterday after my
ending Ashtanga yoga pose, Kapotasana.
This pose does a decent job of cracking open any jars of emotion stored
in my heart and throat chakras in particular.
It’s too late; the steel wall of my heart has been opened and emotion
now pours out. This particular morning
something hit me and the AWEsome-ness of BEing, MY ability to BE in my body, to
dance, to play to enjoy, to experience, connect, allow sensations of bliss,
love, compassion, heart expansion, with a tad bit of anger, fear, and boredom
move through my body was noticeable. I
have been able to do this for weeks now; dance, play, practice, work, pretty
much without suffering, the major theme of my “past” life while living
according to others’ expectations, according to life in Western Society, in The
Matrix.
In this moment, dancing in front of the
ocean, I felt complete freedom. Happy,
healthy, connected to Universal energy and flow, I am free. Perhaps I speak of freedom too often but
until all beings experience freedom it will never be enough. I write about it, talk about it in daily life
with my friends. What does it mean to be
free? Freedom on what level? What may feel like freedom for one person
could feel like imprisonment for another, for we each have different souls,
different paths and a different purpose to fulfill here in this life. A recent Satsang I attended spoke of True
freedom as complete detachment to body, sensation and ego experience while
still having awareness of them. Feeling,
experiencing, and living, while not attaching, judging, creating story or
personalizing the experience of body. Imprisonment
for me has been in the form that I believe many people feel: suffering of the
body (thus the mind). Most physically
healthy people, friends and acquaintances, wonder about the life I live and how
I can do it. A better question is “How
can I NOT do it?” All it takes is the
realization there is a choice. We have a
choice about how to live our lives. We
can create the life we want to live. We
have the power within to make it look the way we want. We have been told on a subtle level that we
are subservient, that we must serve; we have freedom to think for ourselves but
don’t think too far outside the box (or bubble). How could I, how can anyone choose to live
life in a way that supports working to the bone to pay for rent and material
goods, which in turn leads to sickness and suffering?
We are in the age of awakening, of
enlightenment. Everyone around us is on
a path towards awakening. Some have
minor glimpses of awareness, some are fully awakened. Many of us are wavering between ego mind and
presence of enlightenment. For me, once
I experienced my truth and awakened experience, I could not go back to a life
that is in discord. Trust me, I
tried. The truth is freaking scary. Live on the edge? Live without security? No steady income? Rely on belief in my own talents, my gifts,
what I have to offer the world? I was
taught the opposite: fear, doom,
financial insecurity, lack (although we had plenty growing up), work for
someone else. Most of us in the West are
taught similar ideals. I waver, I get
scared, step into fear and doubt. Then I
have moments of pure bliss, presence, awareness, recognition and
connection. It is in these moments when
I know I am living my true purpose.
I am not one to think of past or
future. Chronic disease, autoimmune
disease, suffering, misery is one of the best teachers for living in the
present. I learned this lesson from a
young age: do not look beyond NOW, beyond today. Let’s see how this next hour goes, let’s see
how I feel later, how I feel tomorrow, then I can decide X. Truth be told, usually whatever the question
or decision, my answer was No. I held
myself back from life, being held back by my caregivers who told me it was bad
to go out and do, I would become sicker if I participated in life outside of
illness. Whether this was truth or not,
this was the reality I lived. In this
reality I created; I created beauty, vision, jewelry to be specific. Designing jewelry, creating, selling it kept
me inspired through the darkest times.
Anyone out there with chronic illness, chronic pain, depression,
sickness of any sort, bored, frustrated with life or needing a change may be
able to relate. Even in the darkest of
times there is light. We all have
tremendous bright light inside shining, waiting to burst through. It is our own choice how to express our light
in the world, how to share our essence with our loved ones, with our community,
with the world. When we tap into our
essence, live from our light and our heart, I believe this is also freedom
wherever or however we are living.
So I find myself in SE Asia in complete expansion, opening, and freedom. Despite all odds having
a rare, serious autoimmune disease since the age of 1, I am living on the other
side of the world from my home, healthier than if I had followed any course of
“medicine” suggested by traditional Western methods. I was becoming sicker on prescriptions;
sicker working in a corporate environment feeding a system that was not feeding
my soul, sicker filling myself with material goods that meant nothing. Now I fill my days with soulful connections
to beautiful people, dance, play, nature, love, creation. By no means is this journey easy. This life is a choice, but it is one every
person is capable of making. The most
challenging obstacles to this way of life are fear, doubt, programming,
“should”, “shouldn’t”, “can’t”, and attachments to the material plane. A really good starting place is some "spiritual" practice of sorts if you do not already have one.
Japa meditation:
Intention setting: http://www.purerockangelyogi.com/#!practices/c1mt5
Yoga
Dance
Love,
Zahara (Shana)
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