I’m turning 35, so…Fill In the Blank!

About to turn 35

Like most people, my birthdays sneak up on me.  I'm exceptionally good at living in the moment.  The ultimate goal of many people nowadays is to let go of past and future.  I'd like to think I'm special, but honestly, birthday sneak-attacks are merely one peril of living day to day, in the moment, in the present.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have a mind, an ego, and things that happened yesterday still run through my mind.  One of my human "superpowers" is considered by Western society as a coping mechanism: the ability to only be capable of dealing with the here-and-now.  

This human super power/ super strength developed as a benefit of managing and coping with an autoimmune disease for a lifetime.  I lived every day, not knowing what the day held, what my body would do, what kind of pain or suffering the day would bring.  Would there be relief?  Would I see a day without pain?  Would I feel pleasure?  I did not dare consider these questions; they were simply too heavy and daunting to entertain.  Instead, my ability to Be Here Now strengthened.  I got through, one day at a time, and sometimes, one moment at a time.  

Only later in adulthood, once I was more free from disease symptoms and able to explore the world in a healthier body, was I in a position to consider my life, my truth, my future.  What does the world hold for me?  What do I want?  These questions have only been available to me in the past 5 or 6 years.  Undoing a lifetime of non-planning, living day-to-day, working to be happy with what is – is not easy, or really necessary, to undo. 

Inevitably days pass quickly, without notice, and my birthday sneaks up on me.  35 has come as though 10 years was nothing.  I’m not sure how it happened.  Everyone says this, I know.  Now I’m legitimately middle age for lifespan in this day in age.  Shit.  Actually, not shit.  By this brilliant age of 35, I have accomplished what many people will never do in their entire lives.  I examined my life early-ish on, decided I was not on a course in line with my highest-self (though I did not know what that course was), so I re-routed to the unknown.  While there are always more things I want and would ask for, overall my soul is quite content with the path I have chosen.  I do not regret a single moment, whereas had I continued down the old road, undoubtedly I would have felt my soul die a slow death.

4 yrs ago. Hmmm, more
doable now at 35.

Now, at 35, I get to live the dream: the “I’m 35 – now FILL IN THE BLANK – dream”, because I have created the space for it.  I did not lock myself in unnecessary corporate or societal handcuffs.  I am not bound to obligations beyond my desire.  I am free to say and do what I wish.  Even better?  I have finally reached THE age when such actions are completely acceptable.  32 is inconsequential.  34, no one cares.  36, so anticlimactic.  Even 38 is getting cool again, but the only other 30’s age aside from 35 which seems to be a “fuck it all” age is 39, because you are about to turn the big 4-0.  So here I am, just about to turn 35, and MAN I am excited!  Finally have the wisdom I lacked 5 years ago, even 1 year ago.  I still look fairly young and sometimes if I’m really fortunate I get to cash in on my good genes when people mistake me for looking like I’m in my early 20’s.  35 is the year this pays off, not 22.

Still sometimes pass as mid-20 yr old

And the best part?  Those ridiculous antics I pulled a few years ago as a result of feeling FREEdom from a bound culture and sick body, which at the time were iffy at best, are now totally acceptable.  Because I’m 35.  It’s just that age.  My sister and I had this conversation a couple of days ago, and she’s often right even though she hasn’t even hit this age yet.  She’s 32, but knows she could never pull of some of the stuff I’m about to ;).  Like, I’m 35, I can wear tie dye leggings to a wedding if I want.  I’m 35, I can eat Dairy Queen at 2am just because.  I’m 35, I’m going to go dancing in the jungle for 2 weeks with fairy wings.  ….  No questions asked.  It’s no longer a situation of explaining why, rationalizing my decisions to anyone around me, let alone myself.  It’s a “just because” scenario at this point, this year in particular.  I’m 35….Fill In The Blank. 

All you 35 year olds, and 35 year olds to be, get EXCITED!  This is your YEAR!  Do what you feel.  Do what your intuition tells you.  Do what you don’t feel, something on a whim, just because.  I'm not talking about doing crazy things, necessarily, or even stepping out of your boundaries.  I'm suggesting you begin to live the life you have always dreamed.  Do things you always wanted to do but felt constricted, held back for one reason or another.  Guess what!?  Those reasons are illusions, manufactured constructs of the mind, of an illusory reality.  Time to blow that right up and blow your own mind, creating the most magnificent life you could have ever imagined.  

Live it up, girls & boys.  You only have ½ a life to go, maybe less, we don’t even know at this point.  We are damn lucky to have lived this long, better live it up NOW.  

My only question for you now: how will you fill in the BLANK?