Black Moon Power
The New Moon is known to be a good time to rest or cleanse, look inside one's self, empty and open to a brand new, full month ahead. Last night was the New Moon in Bali, Black Moon as they call it here.
Heading out for an evening of goodbye and birthday celebrations on my motorbike, no further than the end of my rice paddies, I pulled up behind Balinese men and women from my village dressed in traditional ceremony wear. We all headed together further down the street as I rapidly surmised I was part of a large Black Moon, or Tillum, ceremony that blocked the street. My mission make the 10 minute motorbike drive from Penestanen to Ubud was going to be severely stunted if I followed along with this ceremony. One of the boys advised it would take less time for me to drive 15 extra minutes around the other way because the village of Penestanen was walking all the way to Ubud in ceremony. 200+ people walking to Ubud and no way through or around made me think I should listen to this kind young man. My initial reaction was frustration because I am normally able to access these roadways without obstruction.
Never having taken this other route I stopped a few times to make sure I was on the right path: "Permisi, Ubud?". Yes, they said with a wave of their hands in the direction I needed to head. As I approached Penestanen from this direction on my way to Ubud, I found a line of traffic a mile long backed up due to an entirely separate ceremonial parade of people towards Ubud. Motoring along past cars and minivans filled with tourists I joined the ceremony. Balinese carrying offerings in their hands, baskets of offerings on their heads, music playing, I now felt at ease being a part of the journey to Ubud. I let go of my need to get where I was going and joined in on the Black Moon celebration the Balinese were holding.
This collective of people allowed some of us on bikes to pass by, and I got no further than up the hill before center Ubud as another enormous Ceremony on foot forced the motorbikes to park and wait. Unlike the other two masses, this group of about 400 Balinese was heading in the opposite direction, out of Ubud towards Penestanen. My only option to stop and watch, I removed my helmet to connect with the Universe, with God at that moment, as the Balinese believe there is a sacred connection between their crown chakra and God. As I opened to the experience and surrendered my need to control plans, control where I was going and when I needed to arrive, I was able to be in the ceremony. Men walked by with their wives, daughters and sons. Boys played loud percussion instruments and drums. Girls carried hand-woven offerings. Barongs, sacred animal-human-like figures made of elaborate costume materials manipulated by dancers passed by. They are believed to fight off Rangda, witches or demons. I have seen Balinese performances, I have seen Balinese dances and ceremonies and never enamored with them. Last night as hundreds of Balinese, seemingly all of the surrounding Villages migrated to meet in a center point where I stood, I opened to this spiritual Black Moon power.
I have not practiced Ashtanga asana for over 1 week now, maybe 10 days. Upon waking in the morning I meditate for an hour. The past two days of meditation have been quite powerful. Yesterday at some moment I met a space inside of me that looks like sand-colored ocean floor shadowed a circular shaped boat. My focus was drawn to the shadow cast into the vast space inside of me holding palpable emotions of self-doubt, self-loathing and fear. This is real.
This morning I sat and for the first 10 minutes I felt my heart, I experienced pain, sorrow, and I cried. I got to chatting with a child last night who told me about his adventures walking through the forest. He is one living a magical childhood in Bali full of ninjas and dragons and witches and every imaginary creature one could dream. Today as I sat in meditation I was hit with grief and sorrow for the loss of an innocent, playful childhood I was do not remember living. Since the age of one I was extremely sick with high fevers, inflammation, pain which led to me becoming a research subject of sorts in the Western Medical system. Different diagnoses of diseases were tossed around, many months spent in the hospital, tubes in veins and heart. Physical, emotional, spiritual pain and suffering are the dark hole of my childhood that I crawled out of. Writing this now brings me back to a place of darkness that felt like imprisonment. I could not see beyond any given day. It was my wish and intention to get through one day without pain but that rarely happened. What I found after many years is that the disease, (doctors settled on a label of Behcet's disease after 22 yrs), became a friend to me, something I was attached to when I believed I had nothing else.
I journeyed long and far to find my way out of the darkness, a long story to be shared over time. What is relevant today is the Black Moon power connecting me to hidden emotions, drawing them out in order to create space for beauty, abundance, love, all of my desires.
Pak Made blessing our house while I blogged
Creating space for me and housemates to set
intentions clearly with full Black Moon power
The New Moon is known to be a good time to rest or cleanse, look inside one's self, empty and open to a brand new, full month ahead. Last night was the New Moon in Bali, Black Moon as they call it here.
Heading out for an evening of goodbye and birthday celebrations on my motorbike, no further than the end of my rice paddies, I pulled up behind Balinese men and women from my village dressed in traditional ceremony wear. We all headed together further down the street as I rapidly surmised I was part of a large Black Moon, or Tillum, ceremony that blocked the street. My mission make the 10 minute motorbike drive from Penestanen to Ubud was going to be severely stunted if I followed along with this ceremony. One of the boys advised it would take less time for me to drive 15 extra minutes around the other way because the village of Penestanen was walking all the way to Ubud in ceremony. 200+ people walking to Ubud and no way through or around made me think I should listen to this kind young man. My initial reaction was frustration because I am normally able to access these roadways without obstruction.
Never having taken this other route I stopped a few times to make sure I was on the right path: "Permisi, Ubud?". Yes, they said with a wave of their hands in the direction I needed to head. As I approached Penestanen from this direction on my way to Ubud, I found a line of traffic a mile long backed up due to an entirely separate ceremonial parade of people towards Ubud. Motoring along past cars and minivans filled with tourists I joined the ceremony. Balinese carrying offerings in their hands, baskets of offerings on their heads, music playing, I now felt at ease being a part of the journey to Ubud. I let go of my need to get where I was going and joined in on the Black Moon celebration the Balinese were holding.
This collective of people allowed some of us on bikes to pass by, and I got no further than up the hill before center Ubud as another enormous Ceremony on foot forced the motorbikes to park and wait. Unlike the other two masses, this group of about 400 Balinese was heading in the opposite direction, out of Ubud towards Penestanen. My only option to stop and watch, I removed my helmet to connect with the Universe, with God at that moment, as the Balinese believe there is a sacred connection between their crown chakra and God. As I opened to the experience and surrendered my need to control plans, control where I was going and when I needed to arrive, I was able to be in the ceremony. Men walked by with their wives, daughters and sons. Boys played loud percussion instruments and drums. Girls carried hand-woven offerings. Barongs, sacred animal-human-like figures made of elaborate costume materials manipulated by dancers passed by. They are believed to fight off Rangda, witches or demons. I have seen Balinese performances, I have seen Balinese dances and ceremonies and never enamored with them. Last night as hundreds of Balinese, seemingly all of the surrounding Villages migrated to meet in a center point where I stood, I opened to this spiritual Black Moon power.
I have not practiced Ashtanga asana for over 1 week now, maybe 10 days. Upon waking in the morning I meditate for an hour. The past two days of meditation have been quite powerful. Yesterday at some moment I met a space inside of me that looks like sand-colored ocean floor shadowed a circular shaped boat. My focus was drawn to the shadow cast into the vast space inside of me holding palpable emotions of self-doubt, self-loathing and fear. This is real.
This morning I sat and for the first 10 minutes I felt my heart, I experienced pain, sorrow, and I cried. I got to chatting with a child last night who told me about his adventures walking through the forest. He is one living a magical childhood in Bali full of ninjas and dragons and witches and every imaginary creature one could dream. Today as I sat in meditation I was hit with grief and sorrow for the loss of an innocent, playful childhood I was do not remember living. Since the age of one I was extremely sick with high fevers, inflammation, pain which led to me becoming a research subject of sorts in the Western Medical system. Different diagnoses of diseases were tossed around, many months spent in the hospital, tubes in veins and heart. Physical, emotional, spiritual pain and suffering are the dark hole of my childhood that I crawled out of. Writing this now brings me back to a place of darkness that felt like imprisonment. I could not see beyond any given day. It was my wish and intention to get through one day without pain but that rarely happened. What I found after many years is that the disease, (doctors settled on a label of Behcet's disease after 22 yrs), became a friend to me, something I was attached to when I believed I had nothing else.
I journeyed long and far to find my way out of the darkness, a long story to be shared over time. What is relevant today is the Black Moon power connecting me to hidden emotions, drawing them out in order to create space for beauty, abundance, love, all of my desires.
Pak Made blessing our house while I blogged
Creating space for me and housemates to set
intentions clearly with full Black Moon power
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