Roam Free

free·dom  

/ˈfrēdəm/

Noun

1.The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Why are some beings born free or easily find freedom in their lifetime, while others struggle for freedom or never begin to know the essence of freedom?  This question lingers in my subconscious every day in India as I pass by people imprisoned in street lives, children begging at a young age who will never know what freedom means, animals being pushed out of their homes which are being destroyed by humans.  Even most of us seemingly "free" humans are imprisoned by something.  I had this conversation with a friend the day he left town, hopefully to be continued in the next country.  He and I both hold a similar belief: the only true prison and captor is in our mind and heart.  Of course it appears and to some extent there are situations that hold us down, attach, oblige, limit us externally, but we are all truly free.  What is keeping me from being completely free?  What is keeping you from freedom?

This morning I saw my favorite dog.  He belongs to a family on my street, but he runs free doing what he pleases.  He’s white, fluffy, clearly loved and well cared for.  Fluffy's family loves him enough to know that he needs space, freedom and time to do doggie things like play with other dogs, run alongside children riding bicycles, and play with field cows and goats.  Normal dog things.  At the end of the day he returns to our street to monitor the neighborhood from his home territory.  For a dog in India, Fluffy seems to live a life without struggle.  He’s always happy and bouncing around when our paths cross.  This is so beautiful.  My next door neighbor dog, Scooby, is a basset hound mut puppy.  Chained up day and night, he does not experience the same sense of freedom and ease as Fluffy.  The exception is when Scooby breaks his chain and runs around our neighborhood trash mound playing with cows and other dogs, causing a ruckus.  While "free", Scooby does not wander much further than a few houses away from his home.  While chained up, Scooby struggles against his chain to break free from his prison to play with me or any passer by.  When free, this precious pup is still limited by his training and conditioning.  There is some fear that keeps him close to home.  My other favorite Mysore dog is Roti, one of the street dogs.  Last year her existence was heartbreaking.  She was very sick, mangy, and required treatment of antibiotics.  She sleeps under a bench or on the sand at the Coconut Stand; wherever there is shade from severe scorching Mysore sun and heat during the day.  In the morning time she occasionally hangs out near the shala, or at the chai hangout.  She tends to find places where yogis are hanging out because many of us have helped take care of her in one way or another over the past few years.  This year she is much healthier but will always live the life of a street dog; defending her territory, searching for an oasis from the hot sun, yet roaming free.

All three dogs have one thing in common: the internal drive to roam free and be who/ what they are, while remaining dependent on people around them.  It is my sense we are no different than dogs in this respect; at least I am not.  I have a deep, inborn desire to roam the world, feel a sense of freedom and liberation, yet I cannot survive without the care and love of my family and community.  

I was born into a comfortable home, myself in a first world country.  My family supported me, gave me the stable groundwork to learn about my surroundings, leave home and play and return as the sun set.  My basic needs were more than provided for, but like Fluffy, somewhere deep inside of me is a need to make new friends, explore new lands, roam the wild.  Fortunately for me I am no longer dependent on an owner for shelter or food (this is where Roti, the street dog has an advantage for freedom and self-reliance living on the street).  

Although from the outside my life may have seem comfortable, flowy and without struggle, it is quite the contrary and I have fought for my freedom.  For some reason it feels as though struggle, pain, fight, the path of a warrior, was predestined as my karmic path prior to my birth in this lifetime.  An easy, floaty life is not what my soul intended to achieve higher states of consciousness.  A friend recently said to me “you always have to do things the hard way, don’t you?”.   It was after his comment and some reflection that I realized he was correct; unconsciously I choose the harder path although I arrive at the same destination either way.  I can make my life easier and flowy and make a choice that is in line with my path earlier on, to avoid the struggle, but I guess I am still learning.

Mysore this season is crazier than ever; more people, prices of food, apartments, just about everything has gone up substantially since my first visit in 2008.  At the height of peak-season my sister and her husband bravely journeyed to the Meha Kumba Mela as I grounded, steadily practiced, worked, and searched desperately for somewhat decent living accommodations.  Settling on crappy-yet-liveable-with-nice-rooftop, I was intent on moving after the craze settled down at the end of February.  The stubborn streak in me is part of being a Taurus baby.  Quite open and flowy much of the time, once I have set my mind on something, there is pretty much no stopping me.  That is, until the Universe has her way.  Everyone said, “you should have no problem finding a place, everyone is leaving by March 1^st”, and I thought the same thing.  Many of my friends left.  As they were getting ready to leave I inquired about their homes.  Wouldn’t you know, nearly 4 or 5 of my good friends’ apartments were given away just hours or days before I asked.  Frustrating, yes.  Was I going to stay in what I perceived to be a hellhole apartment surrounded by a latrine (construction workers regularly use “open toilet” on the front “lawn” [aka garbage pile] around my house)?  My landlord is a creep; he hit on my within 2 days of me moving in.  Creeping outside of my bedroom windows inappropriately where he could see in, scaring the crap out of me.  He came over to install a fan and sat as close to me as possible without sitting ON me, while asking me about a husband, boyfriend or family.  For an Indian man, this is overt flirting and inappropriate behavior, especially for an unmarried man in his early 40's.  I was desperate.  My one last hope was a girlfriend’s gorgeous modern, breezy, beautiful apartment.  She set up a meeting with me and the landlady and it sounded like I could pretty much have it, I just needed to negotiate the price down.  Set to meet the landlady on the evening of Full Moon, I ended up at the police station picking up my friend’s motorbike; typical India full moon scenario.   By the next day when I had time to meet her, she somehow already promised this dream apartment to someone else.  Already picturing myself sitting in the breezy, open, airy, modern apartment making malas, I huffed away with disheartened.  I did what was in my power to get this seemingly ideal spot.  It ends up my one of my girlfriends had claimed it, and after some discussion she was going to let me move in.  What do you know?  In the end the landlady didn’t let either of us have it.  Sparing details, this landlady's best friend is in the same business as my in Mysore.  It was my understanding we did not move in because of their friendship, some silly high school behavior.  My yogic and spiritual perception?  I was simply not meant to have that apartment or move for a reason.  As frustrated as I was and as much as I was feeling trapped and disliking my surroundings, it was time to surrender, stop struggling, and find freedom even though I could not flee.

The day I put up an alter, in my home, everything seemed to flow.  I was spending time with one friend, going to temples and such.  He invited me to his rooftop for sunset, but it took me a couple of weeks to make it because I was so wrapped up in my apartment drama.  When I finally found space and time to join for a sunset rooftop sitting, I found it odd that the drive there seemed to mimic my drive home.  And then, per his directions, I stopped just 2 houses before mine.  It blew my mind!  He lived only 2 houses away from mine.  Sitting on my neighbor's rooftop that evening, watching the sun set, I realized that all of my struggle was unnecessary.  Perhaps I needed to go through it in order to appreciate the house where I was living, but maybe I can find acceptance, peace, happiness and gratitude without all of the extra energy and upstream battle.  Acceptance, letting go, gratitude are all beautiful gifts that have helped me find freedom in a situation where I am otherwise trapped.  I have been struggling a great deal to get out of this situation, much like Scooby struggles to break free of his chain.  Once I finally had almost no option but to accept my circumstance, everything felt lighter, I have been able to surrender, and enjoy the present moment.  It is in these moments when I think I need to control but instead I completely let go and give in, that I remember freedom exists completely within.  I can go inside to find peace and serenity, for they surely do not exist in my surrounding environment.  Cultivating internal peace is the way to freedom.  Acceptance is freedom.  Love is freedom.